So DONE with going nowhere...

My wheels have been spinning in circles for the past five years.
It's hard to admit.
But it's a fact.

Prior to those years, I had always been a goal oriented individual, full of ambition, endlessly searching for new ideas, new thought processes, new ventures. I always had a restless mind, thoughts constantly in motion. I surrounded myself with people who shared the same vibe. I recall a close friend who once told me her mantra, "the more you do, the more you get done".

From early on, I remember looking for ways to make money. When I was in my early teens, I would offer my time on weekends to my father who ran a clothing shop on Saint-Laurence. If that didn't cut it, I began working at my uncle's jewelery shop, learning about gold and diamonds....after all, diamonds are a girl's best friend. I then looked at babysitting gigs to bring in more funds, followed by my very first union run job as a librarian at Vanier College....Now that's when the money began to pour in when I was only 16. I won't even mention the amount of retroactive pay that followed once I stopped working there. My family, at the time, couldn't stop laughing.

My point is not to recap what once was....
Rather my point is to notice, that somewhere along the way that drive, that vision, that sense of direction got lost in translation. For whatever reason, a life event throws us off our paths and a sense of disequilibrium sets in.

Not proud to share that a lack in direction is my current poison of choice in my personal life.
It is my reality, none the less.

Interestingly enough, it takes a life event to throw you off kilter.
Yet it also takes hitting rock bottom to shake you out of your funk.
I have been numb for the better part of five years.
This past week, I had my AHA moment when life tossed me yet another blow, the kind that shakes your core, makes you question your rational and sense of pride.
Facing change is often a fear induced step, but at times quite a necessary vehicle to create new blessings, new visions, new paths to a new sense of bliss.

That numbness has left the building...
It's nice to feel again...scared...but feeling none the less.