Happy New Year! Here's to 2011!!

Early this morning, I came across this inspirational poem by Don Herold, an American (born in Indiana)   humorist, writer, illustrator and cartoonist who wrote and illustrated many books and was a contributor to national magazines.

I think it's an inspiring read, as we begin to say goodbye to the old year and welcome the start of a new one.

The New Year is a perfect time to reset some goals, envision new ones and strive for some semblance of balance in our chaotic world.

If nothing else, this poem will have you question your own life.

Are you where you want to be?

Are you doing the things you want to do?

Are you surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in  you?

Are you pleased with your existence?

Can you make any changes to improve your current set-up in life?
Take a closer look.
Maybe this is the year to get off that endless "tapis roulant"/treadmill LIFE TRAP and start doing things that truly matter.
Laugh more.

Hug more.

Be silly.

Make mistakes, make more mistakes, learn from your mistakes and stop striving for perfection.

Seek out people who inspire relaxation, a sense of adventure, fun.

Seek out people who warm your soul.

Here is to NEW goals and a NEW outlook for life in 2011!!!!

Happy Read and Happy New Year!!

A poem by Don Herold

Of course, you can't unfry an egg, but there is no law against thinking about it.

If I had my life to live over, I would try to make more mistakes.
I would relax.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
I know of very few things that I would take seriously.

I would be less hygienic.

I would go more places.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.

I would eat more ice cream and less bran.

I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary troubles.
You see, I have been one of those fellows who lived prudently and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I have had my moments.
But if I had it to do over again, I would have more of them - a lot more.
I never go anywhere without a thermometer, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had it to do over, I would travel lighter.

It may be too late to unteach an old dog old tricks, but perhaps a word from the unwise may be of benefit to a coming generation. It may help them to fall into some of the pitfalls I have avoided.

If I had my life to live over, I would pay less attention to people who teach tension.
In a world of specialization we naturally have a superabundance of individuals who cry at us to be serious about their individual specialty.

They tell us we must learn Latin or History; otherwise we will be disgraced and ruined and flunked and failed. After a dozen or so of these protagonists have worked on a young mind, they are apt to leave it in hard knots for life.

I wish they had sold me Latin and History as a lark.

I would seek out more teachers who inspire relaxation and fun.
I had a few of them, fortunately, and I figure it was they who kept me from going entirely to the dogs.
From them I learned how to gather what few scraggly daisies I have gathered along life's cindery pathway.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted a little earlier in the spring and stay that way a little later in the fall. I would play hooky more. I would shoot more paper wads at my teachers. I would have more dogs. I would keep later hours. I'd have more sweethearts. I would fish more. I would go to more circuses. I would go to more dances. I would ride on more merry-go-rounds. I would be carefree as long as I could, or at least until I got some care- instead of having my cares in advance.

More errors are made solemnly than in fun. The rubs of family life come in moments of intense seriousness rather that in moments of light-heartedness. If nations - to magnify my point - declared international carnivals instead of international war, how much better that would be!

G.K. Chesterton once said, "A characteristic of the great saints is their power of levity. Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly. One 'settles down' into a sort of selfish seriousness; but one has to rise to a gay self-forgetfulness. A man falls into a 'brown study'; he reaches up at a blue sky."

In a world in which practically everybody else seems to be consecrated to the gravity of the situation, I would rise to glorify the levity of the situation. For I agree with Will Durant that "gaiety is wiser than wisdom."

I doubt, however, that I'll do much damage with my creed. The opposition is too strong. There are too many serious people trying to get everybody else to be too darned serious.

Will leave you all with one of my all time favorite songs by Colin Hay, the lead singer from Men At Work.

His lyrics are precious.

How do you help a person going through an existential crisis?

My Facebook status is showing me as sleepless up North.

Sleepless in Montreal.
Sleepless wherever.
Location is unimportant.

I have a lot of internal noise going on all at once.
I have energy and not sure what to do with it all.
Emotions are overwhelming...
I tried all sorts of distractions today...running on the treadmill, passionately handling ingredients to cook up a lunch, talking with family about what's bothering me, running to the magazine store to      pick up reading material to distract the mind. To no avail.

Late in the afternoon, I decided to head to LaFontaine park to surround myself with LIFE.
It's not that life isn't present at home, or at a store, or watching one's kids at play ( in my case, the boys are with their dad for a week).
Parks are usually the best place to witness LIFE, people living.

I found myself watching the skaters, children with their toboggans, elderly couples strolling, families enjoying the brisk air.

Life was in motion at park LaFontaine.

I was not seeing busy-ness, rather I was witnessing pleasure seekers.

Then I thought of my father...

My 69 year old father is not in great shape.

Since last March 2010, he has been in and out of a hospital as my children, my mother, my sister and I, all watch different parts of his body fail him. It's not easy.

Most certainly, it's not easy for HIM.

A little about him...

Growing up, I watched him be a pillar of strength in our household.

He showed me the meaning of resilience, the benefits of hard work, determination, aiming high, striving to be the best that one can be.

All good things, indeed.

As a child I watched his inter-personal skills closely.

He never needed to repeat himself twice.

He commanded respect.

He stood tall, his eyes meant business and one quickly knew his intention without an exchange of words.
I grew up feeling cared for, safe, and knowing my actions mattered.

My father today, this very second, is experiencing his very own Existential Crisis.

Makes sense when one sees one's body begin to slow down, not heal as quickly or not at ALL.

He is questioning his life, looking back at his decisions, perhaps regretting some actions...

Though he led his childhood, young adulthood and adult life with a vision for his family's future, he did little to nurture and protect his health. He was a chain smoker from adolescence, ate whatever he enjoyed, never exercised, stressed out most of his life and ignored all of his doctors' recommendations.
His solution to ailments was taking his prescribed medication to alter or remedy what was not going well.
His family history is of concern, as heart disease and strokes are prevalent.
In essence, he abused his body.
And...he did so with an invincible attitude.

Sitting in the hospital yesterday at noon, I noticed he is NOT feeling so invincible.

He looks scared.

His body looks weak.

He looks needy.

He seeks attention.

He wants someone to tell him that all will be well.

His reality...his kidneys are failing him, his circulation is poor, his lungs are weak.

He can barely walk, as his feet have swollen.
He has stomach cramps which hold him back from eating.
He feels weak, as a result.

His lungs experienced a mild case of pneumonia this past weekend.

Will he still smoke?

Most likely...

I am angry with him.

I am angry with him because I have seen the better part of his life having a "fuck you" attitude about his health choices.

Why is he NOW experiencing all this sadness, remorse and fear?

In this last chapter of his life, whether 25 years from now or next year (I don't wish him a short life. I desperately WANT him to live a long long life) why is he not FINISHING STRONG like he always has?

WHY?

I don't know how to handle this scared version of my dad...

Is Oral sex, SEX?? Ask your teens and see what they say?

I am at a dinner party at a friend's house.
What happens when you put four women in their forties, around a kitchen table, with great food and a bottle (or two?) of wine?
The answer?
You get free flowing conversations about this, that and the other.

I am here to talk about the "THAT" portion of the conversation. The THAT was namely about how oral sex is rampant in early adolescence.

So what???

Well, it sort of sounds dandy except for the fact that the young boys are getting the blow jobs and the young ladies are more than happy to perform and get nothing in return.

Which brings us to "What are we teaching our kids?"

Back to this delightful kitchen table, we were all mothers. I would go as far as to say, all well educated mothers.
Some of us have children below the age of 10, while others have adolescent off springs.

The conversation became enlightening when I had mentioned that a few years back, my son's elementary school had invited a special guest, a social worker, to talk to would be parents of adolescents.

The guest speaker began her informative session by addressing a Jewish crowd with the following question: "At what age do you think your child begins to have sexual relations?"

In response, the crowd had muttered all sorts of answers from 15 to 18.
The social worker went on to ask: "And where do you think this happens?"

Long story short, she informed this naive parent body (myself included) that the day your son has his Bar Mitzvah, he will most likely have his first blow job in a bathroom stall or worse yet at coat check at his party. The parents roar.
What a rude awakening!

She went on to say how there seems to be a pervasive understanding that oral sex is not SEX.

(Gee I wonder who we need to thank? William was his name I think? White House? Oral oops I meant OVAL office?)

Furthermore, she explained something else of greater concern.

Girls are ONLY performing and guys are NOT reciprocating.

I once had a chat with a well known psychologist in Montreal about this same topic.

His answer was that the sexual culture is changing amongst the young.

Oral intimacy is not sex.

Young women feel that they are "still good" if they don't let the boy get sexually close to them.

The cherry on top of the icing: The girls feel empowered by performing and not allowing boys to reciprocate.

I will let you simmer with that last thought, dear reader...

The social worker went on to say that in high schools, teens were partaking in themed parties.
Back then (light sarcasm here, as my information dates back to four years ago...themes may have changed since). One example was the Rainbow party which meant that the young ladies would arrive with a bright shade of lipstick and the young adolescent was meant to collect shades of all lipsticks on his appendage. The boy with the most rainbow rings was the person who ruled the coop.

Now back again to that round table chat with ladies and WINE.
These mommies were blown away by the "news", were appalled at what conversations were taking place at home between parent and child. My guess, most likely, parents DO NOT have this chat about oral sex with their children. In fact, I would venture to say parents don't chew the fat about sex with their kids. They may highlight or create "NO FLY ZONE" policies and not allow for free flowing chats about sexual intimacy, respecting one's body, deriving pleasure etc...

One vibrant, very open minded and outspoken woman ( and more women should be like her!!!!) around that same kitchen table did say " Where is the power in having some guy's penis in your mouth? The true power is in one's ORGASM!!!!!"
We all burst out laughing.
She is indeed right, on so many levels (physically-pleasure and safety, emotionally-trust and self-concept).



So purpose of this blog, other than initial shock value is the following:

Firstly, at your son's Bar Mitzvah, do like I did. Hire extra male WATCHDOGS to scout the party, the bathrooms, the coat check at regular intervals of time. In my case, our party ran smoothly other than a group of boys amusing themselves with the condom dispenser in that bathroom.
Oy, my son will be mortified, if he gets wind of Mama's most recent entry. lol

Secondly, talk to your children.
Have a no holds bar attitude about difficult topics.
Listen to them, don't judge them when they share something that makes you uneasy.
This will allow them to loosen their filters with you and share openly.
Friends close to This Princess are always surprised at topics my children bring to the table. Better you, the parent, be handling the flow of information, than having some misguided PEER inform your child.

And ultimately, remember that once hormones kick in, sexuality and discovery of one's sexuality are normal and healthy.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this blog entry.
Please share, any which way you prefer.
Dialogue is KEY!

What is UP with dating in 2010!?!!?

This Princess wants to meet someone.

She wants to meet her very own FROG.

He does not have to be PERFECT.

Is it too much to ask for a gentleman, with integrity who holds down a REAL JOB? Never mind bigger issues like his extended family, his neurosis, his religion, his X-wife or his MOTHER.

This Princess wants companionship.

She wants intellectually charged exchanges.

To make matters worse, this princess has issues of her own which make it difficult to meet and mingle.

Imagine?

She works out of her home.
She is a single mother with full custody of two boys.
She is not in the habit of hanging at bars...although, the local SAQ (aka liquor store) is another kettle of fish!

So what is a Princess to do in 2010?
She can NAG her friends to death to set her up. Futile approach, thus far.
Or she can take matters into her own hands, by getting online, on sites such as Match.com, eHarmony, Plenty Of Fish, Jdate, OkCupid etc...
Some of these sites are free, while others are membership based.

Talking to a few friends here and there, and reflecting on the last batch of candidates, the consensus was that a paid site would bring a higher calibre of people, who are serious, employed ( yes, believe it or not, it's harder than you think to find a gainfully employed man) and searching for a commitment.

Oh no!!! Did I just use the "C" word????

Well, Match.com is like Malaria.com.
Single folks go there to DIE! Nothing moved on that site, in Canada, that is.
I did meet two friends on Match...but they both happen to live in the great U.S of A.

Jdate.com is like playing musical chairs in my backyard.

It just feels WRONG.

Perhaps the fact that I have worked for the Jewish community for close to 19 years and seen throngs of once happy, married people, now  with mug shots on Jdate stating their recent divorced status...makes it somewhat unappealing. The community is so small and tight, I may run the risk of dating some Jewish man, and his X-wife might be my neighboor or his child, my student.

Who needs that???
No, seriously?

eHarmony has the best advertising around. eHarmony is unique in that the matching service doesn't promote the "hook-up" culture. According to the company's mission statement, their goal is to "help couples achieve stronger, healthier and happier marriages."
They offer psychological tests to brand you as a Type A or B personality.

Well, it's been two months I have been on that lovely site.
Apparently, according to their data, I am well suited for a HUNKY firefighter who wants to be my Oral Slave, run my errands and scrub my bathroom floors NAKED while I berate him fully clothed.
And if that's not bad enough, he wants  me to keep looking for an alternate lover, as he candidly shared that he has sexual limitations.

Furthermore, if I was really KIND, I would allow him to remain in my closet, NAKED, while he eavesdrops on me with another man.
...And to think I have 10 more pre-paid months of this quality membership to look forward to...SIGH.

.

..So it appears Plenty of Fish is looking not too shabby.

The pond hosts the same paying crowd from all those other paying sites (yes the Firefighter is here too!) to a series of married men, parading as single fuckers.
This pond is your OYSTER!
It hosts a series of images, most often shirtless images.
FYI my dear SINGLE dude, women like the concept of shirt on, as it leaves something to our imagination!!
Anything swims in this pond.
It should have a warning sign saying "Swimmers, Beware"!

So here I am, Caspian Princess, posting her profile giving a glimpse of who I am.
I did mention my passion with ingredients and kitchen gadgets, my love for nature etc...
Most weeks, I receive a dozen NEW emails from Happy Fishies who say the following to woe this Princess:

"You're cute. Wanna fuck?" or "I live in NDG, is that near you for a quickie?" or "Hey, wasss ur fav position?"

And once I was really lucky, the Happy FISH READ MY PROFILE and said the following:

"How about you invite me over, COOK for me ( a tiny reference to my profile. Oh joy! Oh bliss!) and then we can fuck".
This one was a class act, indeed.

I know weirdos exist in all walks of life.
I know not everyone can run spell check on their sentence, prior to pressing "SEND".
It takes effort.
Who has time for that?
Better to look like an iliterate.
I also know that I am a modern woman, which means that I can make the bold move to reach out to a suitable candidate. As sarcastic as that may have sounded, I am a wee bit traditional in nature. My Caspian heritage kicks in every now and then...

That being said, would you believe it if I told you that many of my emails get deleted prior to having been READ!
What ever happened to courtesy and being a gentleman?

So...
I think that MEN have forgotten the ART of dating.

I think that MEN should drop their fancy mobile devices and or any type of electronic gadget and perhaps walk over to their local bookstore and pick up a much needed self-help book on how to converse with the opposite sex.
I am sure they have a kindle version too!!!

Listen, read and INHALE the advice.

It sure beats whatever it is you think you are doing.

As for THIS Princess, clearly the online venue is not a match made in heaven.

Perhaps, this Princess needs to head to some castle far far away and mingle with some royalty who have yet to swim in a cesspool!

That or... becoming a NUN.
Call me Sister Caspian!


Could I be THIS lucky in a convent?? Or is this really my firefighter dressed like a priest?