LIES!!!

Before I begin my diatribe about lying, I had a sudden recall of a university class I took. The professor/psychologist, an unusual character to say the least, told a group of graduate students the relevance and importance of cheating in a classroom.
For students with learning disabilities, cheating should be seen as a remarkable learning tool and coping strategy.

I remember the first time after that lecture, when I faced a student cheating...I had different goggles on and I allowed the perpetrator to continue on his way, thinking that he pulled one over the teacher. I LIED to my student!
Truth be told, it always left me unsettled and yet I taught myself to tolerate it in those circumstances...Graduate WISDOM if you will!?!?

So how does this tie in to my thoughts on lying?

First I need to define lying.
Lying is communication with the intention of creating a false belief.
Lies are typically motivated by a desire to persuade others to act or to refrain from acting in a certain manner.

WOW! What a mouthful to lying...
But what if the person who is said to be lying, believes it to be THE TRUTH?
Conundrum indeed!

Immanuel Kant, a philosopher, once said that lying was always morally wrong. He argued that human beings are born with an "intrinsic worth" which he referred to as human dignity. To be human, said Kant, is to have the rational power of free choice; to be ethical, he continued, is to respect that power in oneself and others.

Well, at 41, I have come to notice that I have walked a pretty straight line thus far in life. I use boundaries to frame my world which dictate my behaviours and actions. I won't say it's the most exciting way to live. I will say that those implemented boundaries have kept me heading in a healthy direction for the most part of my life. My two boys are my most prized accomplishments!

I am not a Saint.
I have lied.
I also experience guilt shortly after lying.
Which I think says a lot about my ethics.

Now some people on this planet spend the better part of their existence lying profusely about everything and anything. I often wonder are they even aware of their constant lies. I am convinced that the liar sees his/her lies as the TRUTH!

Study by psychologist and lying expert Bella DePaulo explains that more than 70 percent of liars tell their lies AGAIN! She also explains that 60 percent of lies are outright DECEPTIONS!
Mind you it does not help our society, when politicians are caught lying on a daily basis and getting away with it! What about the criminals? What about the movie stars? What about Tiger WOODS? Enough said.

On the other hand, Tim C. Mazur, from the Markula Center for Applied Ethics, explains that sometimes a lie, a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive, seems the perfect response.

About 22 years ago, my husband faced a dilemma. He had something to share with me and he knew full well he ran the risk of jeopardising the relationship we had. He consulted his mother, who coached him to tell a lie in order to safe guard the relationship. Needless to say, the plan backfired and my hubby and I broke up at the time for a year before rekindling the relationship at the ripe old age of 19.

Where am I going with this?
Lies are hurtful.
If you lived all alone on an island and lied to yourself, then the deceit hurt you and only you. The minute you involve another soul into the equation, one gains nothing from lying...

And let's not forget about my good old friend KARMA.
Karma has a funny way of biting you in the ass!
At times, all hell breaks loose...

Was it all worth it in the end?
To the one who has an intrinsic moral and ethical code perhaps not...

Why are good girls drawn to criminal minds?

Funny, I have always been a fan of this song as a teenager.
I never paid much attention to the twisted meaning of the lyrics.
For instance, "I stand accused before you, I have no tears to cry
And you will never break me, Till the day I die..."
These same lyrics today hold a different meaning in my mature and logical head.

So why are Good Girls drawn to "Bad Boys" or worse yet "Criminal Minds"?
Simple.

The "Bad Boy" or the "Criminal Mind" offers us an adrenaline rush, pushes our boundaries and keeps us on our toes. He offers stolen moments. No pun intended.
A mundane existence is a NOT a choice in a criminal's mind.
He has a grandiose sense of self which translates to self-confidence in the good girl's eyes. He has a need for stimulation by living on the edge, shunning norms and regulations, risking and gambling the good that surrounds him.
All in the name of THRILLS!!!
To a good girl, this translates yet again to an uncanny, adventurous, joy ride...
Granted this same joy ride is simultaneously laced with heightened insecurity, highs and lows and spell bound or hypnotised.

Is any of this healthy?
No.
Is any of this rational?
No.
...and yet thousands of women flock toward a criminal mind.

I will leave you with yet another segment of Gowan's lyrics, troubling to say the least...

A criminal mind
Is all I’ve
I’ve ever known
Don’t try to reform me
Cause I’m made of cold stone
My criminal mind
Is all I’ve
I’ve ever had
Ask one who’s known me
If I’m really so bad...

So DONE with going nowhere...

My wheels have been spinning in circles for the past five years.
It's hard to admit.
But it's a fact.

Prior to those years, I had always been a goal oriented individual, full of ambition, endlessly searching for new ideas, new thought processes, new ventures. I always had a restless mind, thoughts constantly in motion. I surrounded myself with people who shared the same vibe. I recall a close friend who once told me her mantra, "the more you do, the more you get done".

From early on, I remember looking for ways to make money. When I was in my early teens, I would offer my time on weekends to my father who ran a clothing shop on Saint-Laurence. If that didn't cut it, I began working at my uncle's jewelery shop, learning about gold and diamonds....after all, diamonds are a girl's best friend. I then looked at babysitting gigs to bring in more funds, followed by my very first union run job as a librarian at Vanier College....Now that's when the money began to pour in when I was only 16. I won't even mention the amount of retroactive pay that followed once I stopped working there. My family, at the time, couldn't stop laughing.

My point is not to recap what once was....
Rather my point is to notice, that somewhere along the way that drive, that vision, that sense of direction got lost in translation. For whatever reason, a life event throws us off our paths and a sense of disequilibrium sets in.

Not proud to share that a lack in direction is my current poison of choice in my personal life.
It is my reality, none the less.

Interestingly enough, it takes a life event to throw you off kilter.
Yet it also takes hitting rock bottom to shake you out of your funk.
I have been numb for the better part of five years.
This past week, I had my AHA moment when life tossed me yet another blow, the kind that shakes your core, makes you question your rational and sense of pride.
Facing change is often a fear induced step, but at times quite a necessary vehicle to create new blessings, new visions, new paths to a new sense of bliss.

That numbness has left the building...
It's nice to feel again...scared...but feeling none the less.

Did you know you can learn a lot about life while sailing?

This past week, I had the pleasure of joining a friend on his sailboat. I must admit, it was not the first time I had sailed. I did indeed notice that our perception of sailing in our twenties is very different than in our forties. I distinctly recall having a carefree attitude in my twenties and oblivious to the sailing nuances. I wasn't sensitive to the importance of changing winds, traffic on the lake, but was more concerned about gaining speed, while taking the sun.

This time around, I found myself heavily aware of my surroundings, sensitive to the blowing wind and the reaction of the boat, in some cases too late (like when I poorly steered the boat toward the dock while my friend was lifting the sails-Yup it was a big scratch!)....But then again, you live and learn, meaning second time around, we both learned to take the boat to the center of the lake and then begin the set-up process.

This last little journey gave me many moments to reflect and observe the parallels between sailing and life skills. In a macro sailing moment, you quickly learn the importance of facing challenges on the water, thinking quickly on your feet, learning the virtue of patience, acknowledging that though you may be a control freak, sometimes in life nature has other things in store for you. You also learn that you have good times where the boat sails to perfection while you smile blissfully at the sun, while other times, you lose the wind in your sail and find yourself sitting patiently, reflecting and awaiting the next gust of wind. Mind you, in our case, the wind never came and so we gently drifted and perhaps even picked up momentum at barely two knots.

Another eye-opening experience is that one learns a lot about one's sailing partner under challenging situations. In my case, I bravely decided to take a moment to lead the boat back to the marina. I quickly learned that good sailors make it look easy.
I asked my friend if he could guide me and show me the whys behind certain actions. I must admit just because I am a great teacher with twenty years under my belt, does not make every TOM,Dick and Harry a great one too. His methods of teaching include gentle yelling, sarcasm, laughter (as in making fun of moi)...not necessarily the right ingredients for a special needs student like myself! Truth be told, I was most impressed with how he allowed me freedom to try and to fail, and then to try again. So in essence, he has the right ingredients to coach. May I make a suggestion, dear friend, coddle a wee bit more and then you have MAGIC!

It must have taken me well over an hour to learn, through osmosis and perhaps the nudging of my friend, that getting from point A to point B isn't always a straight course, especially if the straight course takes you directly into the wind. Planning a route that gets you to your destination in the shortest possible time is accomplished through a maneuver called tacking, in which the boat is steered in a zigzag, upwind direction.
Mind you, by the time I figured that out, the wind stopped blowing and we began the drifting process back to shore.

Hug your children, for God's sake HUG THEM!!!

So why the fury in the title?
I guess I should start by saying that my maternal instincts were always naturally strong. I had intuitive common sense if you will, about raising my boys. I didn't need those "What to Expect" books to know the relevance and importance of hugging your children, reading to them, bathing them, grooming them and so on and so forth.

So why am I bringing this up now?
Simple. I may have been naturally GIFTED to nurture my sons the right way, to allow them to become loving, nurturing, self-confident men who will most likely NOT fear commitment or love of another woman. They will have had the good foundation to nurture their healthy unions with their respective, significant others and God willing their children too. They know the true meaning of roots, stability and love! Those three factors govern their daily existence and make them the lovely humans they are today.
So pat on the back for the Caspian Princess for a job well done!!!! (Alright, I admit to this brag fest...But I feel I deserve it!!)

That being said, my dating life has somewhat been an interesting and eye-opening experience. In the last four years, I would say more than half of my dates have had significant issues with commitment, focus, and drive to pursue whole hearted a relationship. In most cases, one or both parents were MIA, or void of emotions, or too self-centered to nurture these men, while they were growing up and learning about healthy interactions, dynamics and being loved.

Granted there has got to be a moratorium set out to end the blaming factor. I mean seriously, is it normal that by the time you reach 50, you find yourself still saying things like "I yearned for the love of a parent" or "I never had the lasting love of a friendship" or "a lover never stayed long enough around for me to feel safe". At which point, do you stop whining about what you never had and be proactive about what you can now do to change things for the better???

Then again, maybe these poor,LOST,souls are doomed to search for an ideal,fictitious and imaginative love only found in poetry and romance novels. Come on PEOPLE, roll up your sleeves and mingle with the dirt...that is where ALL the fun ingredients that make for a meaningful connection are!!!! Stop blaming YOUR PARENTS!!!!

Oh and parents, PLEASE hug your little tykes to death, stroke their hair and squeeze them to bits, so that one day, their significant other does NOT prick some VOODOO doll in hope to wish you PAIN!!
Love your kids and hug them, PLEASE!

Kangaroo tasting...in Quebec City??? Poor Kippy!

This past weekend, a friend and I headed to Quebec City to discover this old gem of a place, with a Euro flair right in North America. Charming,magical,friendly and EXPENSIVE a place....just like some places in Europe!

The harbour front in Quebec City boasts beautiful catamarans, sail boats and motor boats, with happy folks sipping and noshing on yummy treats while basking away, staring at the architectural backdrop of Old Quebec.
A good life, indeed.

My friend and I meandered the walk ways, passing street buskers, entertainers and live bands. One zone had some semblance of a beer garden in Munich, though tall trees and wooded trails were MIA. We both sat down and decided to enjoy this band playing tunes of Jack Johnson.

Now how does my poor Kippy fit into all this?
My friend, who is a take charge kind of guy and fully aware of my Kosher, granted loose dietary laws, says "how about I go inside the tent and pick us some treats to eat?"
Being a control freak, especially when it comes to my nutritional intake, I allowed him to run off and "surprise me". He walked away while chiming "don't worry, I know...no pork or ham or bacon".

Upon his return, he handed me a plate with what seemed like a "kebab wrap". I was somewhat touched, as I thought he had my Middle Eastern heritage in mind, kebabs and all, that is.
He dove right into his wrap while I kept staring at mine.
I smelled it, and discovered the scent was unusual.
I stared at it some more and asked "so what is this?".
He quickly answered, in between bites, "just eat it".
Being a bad listener, I kept staring at it.
Then I nagged him "you sure it's not pork or something, cuz it sure don't look like beef or chicken?"
With a full mouth, my friend mumbled "it's kangaroo!"
This time, I stared right at him, with the full notion that he enjoys yanking my chain.
I smiled and said "very funny".

Then, bravely, I took a bite of my mystery wrap and tasted the dry, chewy concoction.
Vile!!! No other words to describe it.
Politely I thanked him, handed him the sandwich which he happily ate.
As I was heading back to the tent, he said to me "don't forget to stop by the kangaroo station". I responded with a "ha ha"!

Once inside the tent, I saw many food stalls. One had wild boar sausages, one had deer meet sausages...
Low and behold there was KIPPY, the poor Kanga.
Roo was most likely in my previous wrap.
I found myself hopping back to my table, with empty hands and stunned-rounded eyes, mostly in disbelief that I tasted POOR KIPPY and wondering how does KIPPY fit into my poor KOSHER map! Should I ask my Rabbi? Should I email him my question?
My friend, on the other hand, happily sported his cynical smile!

Does Kippy have hooves? (Kosherly speaking, of course)

Can we talk about Dr. LAURA? Please?

I heard it on the news today that "famous Dr. Laura" will be quitting talk radio...
Not soon enough if you ask me.

Apparently, she was caught last week using the N word with some black,female caller who is married to a white man. She called in because she was annoyed that every time a friend or family member came over, she would have to hear comments like do black folks do that etc...It bugged her.

Dr. Laura responded with those comments are not racist. In fact, she said that her bodyguard is an African American. Dr. L was interested in a game of B Ball and here was the exchange between her and her bodyguard: "Listen white men can't jump. I want you on my team."
She tells the caller that in her opinion "that was not a racist comment". As an added bonus, she says that the African Americans voted for Obama only because he is black.
And to make matters worse, she goes on to say how if one turns on HBO to see some black comedy, the N word is used freely while folks with low melanin using that same word are called racists?
She was apparently making a philosophical point!?!??

Deep breath.
Sigh.
Questions running through my head.
Is she for real? Did she really say that out loud? As a Jewess who should understand persecution, does she NOT get it? Are we really going to miss her? Is she all THAT and a loaf of wonder bread?

Here is my opinion:
Has entertainment in this world gone so off the deep end that we need people like Dr. Laura with her narrow minded, bigoted thoughts to be diffused all over the air ways? She reminds me of a clean cut version of Archy Bunker. Do we really want our society to be ingesting and pondering on Dr. Laura's limited thoughts?