Courtesy. Does it really exist, in our day and age?

Definitions and meanings.
Are day to day words being taken for granted?
In our society, is mankind truly familiar with the meaning of words used in verbal exchanges and actions taken?

As an educator, I witness throngs of students who cannot define the lexicon of a language and muddle through it. I witness adults, who may drone the definition but have NO CLUE how to implement it in their daily lives. In essence, they may talk the talk, but not walk the talk.
And yet, we adopt these words, preaching to those around and boasting its values in our world, without a clear and full understanding of what the words truly mean...

Which brings me to my word of the day, COURTESY.
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines Courtesy as:
           *a behavior marked by polished manners or respect for others : courteous behavior
           *a courteous and respectful act or expression
           *general allowance despite facts : indulgence
           *consideration, cooperation, and generosity in providing something (as a gift or privilege);

This Princess and her Kingdom value courtesy.
Making an effort to model courtesy to my sons is an inherent need.
Whether teaching them to hold the door open for the one behind, or expressing gratitude for an act of kindness, or simply waiting for everyone to sit at the table before digging in, are all values I deem important for my environment and those around me. Courtesy allows us to live more kindly and be more palatable to our "neighbors". Moreover, I have taught the boys that courtesy is ageless and gender neutral.
I assume that our schools follow in that trend and continue the teaching of courtesy and nurture its value.
I also assume that our ties to other souls on this planet reflect our belief system about the nature of courtesy and its relevance in maintaining healthy relations.

Hopes aside, the reality is daunting when one sees how the lack of courtesy is rampant in our society. A door gets slammed on a student by the Head of School no less, a friendship faces darkness when boundaries are crossed, an ex-lover goes out of his way to be hurtful and disrespectful as a result of his pained experience, two cars parked in the middle of an intersection to "chat" while a line up of cars builds up, the gardener mowing the client's lawn and polishing off the raspberry patch, the car that drives by a quaint suburban town tossing a banana peel out the window, the dog walker who fails to pick up his pet's droppings from a neighbour's lawn or the hate mail received on a dating site because the profile was unappealing to the senses.
Truth is, the list can be endless.

Purpose of this blog...to shed light on courtesy and challenge us, that is the "collective US".
Can we watch our actions in the next 48 hours and see if we model courtesy in our daily interactions?
Are we proud of who we are?
Are we truly courteous?
Or are we "selectively" courteous?

Courtesy begins with ME.

Loyalty

What is loyalty and why is it so hard to find, in our day and age?

Loyalty, also called allegiance or truth, is faithfulness or a devotion to a person or cause.

The definition sounds warm and fuzzy. It allows you to show a person or a cause that THEY matter, that they are chosen amongst a group of others.

Our society is drowning with all sorts of loyalty programs and we are bombarded with messages preaching us to nurture the sacred bonds or relations we share with close friends, significant others, family members, colleagues and employers.

In essence, we are reminded of the importance of showing allegiance to a chosen, special being or cause.

Yet as a friend most recently put it, our current reality is that of a society whose social fabric is deteriorating rapidly. Ethics, morals and standards are few and far between. It almost appears as if it's each man for his own.

Medical cures on this planet are not discovered by ONE.

Inventions are not created by ONE.

Networking is unsuccessful all by one's lonesome.

We need each other.

It's the nature of the animal kingdom.

So why is it that in our current times, with things moving as fast as they are, mankind has yet to figure this out. Team building, networking, making friendships should be treated with a sense of allegiance.

Find ways to respect the union or tie or connection. Nurture that relation with loyalty and avoid taking it for granted by taking stupid risks or putting selfish needs in the forefront.

Let me ask you this, in our MOST disposable world, what is one's motivation to stick around folks who take some for granted, feed some to wolves or are self-involved at all times, all in the name of moving ahead regardless of who one hurts in the process?

Happy New Year! Here's to 2011!!

Early this morning, I came across this inspirational poem by Don Herold, an American (born in Indiana)   humorist, writer, illustrator and cartoonist who wrote and illustrated many books and was a contributor to national magazines.

I think it's an inspiring read, as we begin to say goodbye to the old year and welcome the start of a new one.

The New Year is a perfect time to reset some goals, envision new ones and strive for some semblance of balance in our chaotic world.

If nothing else, this poem will have you question your own life.

Are you where you want to be?

Are you doing the things you want to do?

Are you surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in  you?

Are you pleased with your existence?

Can you make any changes to improve your current set-up in life?
Take a closer look.
Maybe this is the year to get off that endless "tapis roulant"/treadmill LIFE TRAP and start doing things that truly matter.
Laugh more.

Hug more.

Be silly.

Make mistakes, make more mistakes, learn from your mistakes and stop striving for perfection.

Seek out people who inspire relaxation, a sense of adventure, fun.

Seek out people who warm your soul.

Here is to NEW goals and a NEW outlook for life in 2011!!!!

Happy Read and Happy New Year!!

A poem by Don Herold

Of course, you can't unfry an egg, but there is no law against thinking about it.

If I had my life to live over, I would try to make more mistakes.
I would relax.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
I know of very few things that I would take seriously.

I would be less hygienic.

I would go more places.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.

I would eat more ice cream and less bran.

I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary troubles.
You see, I have been one of those fellows who lived prudently and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I have had my moments.
But if I had it to do over again, I would have more of them - a lot more.
I never go anywhere without a thermometer, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had it to do over, I would travel lighter.

It may be too late to unteach an old dog old tricks, but perhaps a word from the unwise may be of benefit to a coming generation. It may help them to fall into some of the pitfalls I have avoided.

If I had my life to live over, I would pay less attention to people who teach tension.
In a world of specialization we naturally have a superabundance of individuals who cry at us to be serious about their individual specialty.

They tell us we must learn Latin or History; otherwise we will be disgraced and ruined and flunked and failed. After a dozen or so of these protagonists have worked on a young mind, they are apt to leave it in hard knots for life.

I wish they had sold me Latin and History as a lark.

I would seek out more teachers who inspire relaxation and fun.
I had a few of them, fortunately, and I figure it was they who kept me from going entirely to the dogs.
From them I learned how to gather what few scraggly daisies I have gathered along life's cindery pathway.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefooted a little earlier in the spring and stay that way a little later in the fall. I would play hooky more. I would shoot more paper wads at my teachers. I would have more dogs. I would keep later hours. I'd have more sweethearts. I would fish more. I would go to more circuses. I would go to more dances. I would ride on more merry-go-rounds. I would be carefree as long as I could, or at least until I got some care- instead of having my cares in advance.

More errors are made solemnly than in fun. The rubs of family life come in moments of intense seriousness rather that in moments of light-heartedness. If nations - to magnify my point - declared international carnivals instead of international war, how much better that would be!

G.K. Chesterton once said, "A characteristic of the great saints is their power of levity. Angels can fly because they can take themselves lightly. One 'settles down' into a sort of selfish seriousness; but one has to rise to a gay self-forgetfulness. A man falls into a 'brown study'; he reaches up at a blue sky."

In a world in which practically everybody else seems to be consecrated to the gravity of the situation, I would rise to glorify the levity of the situation. For I agree with Will Durant that "gaiety is wiser than wisdom."

I doubt, however, that I'll do much damage with my creed. The opposition is too strong. There are too many serious people trying to get everybody else to be too darned serious.

Will leave you all with one of my all time favorite songs by Colin Hay, the lead singer from Men At Work.

His lyrics are precious.

What is time?

While in the throws of a nature trail, out in the Lanaudière region, I found myself thinking about the concept of time. The river, the waterfalls, the tall trees and the fall leaves all reminded me of the flow of time, the variations of time, the nature of time.

I am not in the habit of a wearing a watch. My personal sense of time elapsed is somewhat fictional. For instance, I believe I am in my twenties. My sons, however, are my constant reminder of time gone by. Reality check, which translates to "I am really 41!"
Never mind that my gray hair rears its ugly roots every three weeks on the nose!
What a rude awakening.

Idle time isn't all it's cracked up to be either.
It has a way of magnifying issues or problems or in some instances, it allows you to look for trouble, where trouble does not reside.

Busy time...is just that...BUSY! It's time used to mask dealing with reality. It's like sweeping your issues under a Persian rug. What? The Caspian Princess grew up with Persian rugs!

Let us not forget wasting time or taking it for granted.
Time and time again, human beings run through their days not being mindful and not living each moment as if it were their last. Intelligently, we know better. We know that we are physically on this planet for a finite time, yet we don't "walk the talk".

Moral of the story, nature is one wonderful way to appreciate the flow of time. The scenery changes with every season, the trees grow with each day, standing, bending and adapting to changing weather. Also, pay attention to how you spend your time. Are you pleased with each passing day? Do you have one daily moment that stands out? Are you pleased with the direction you have set out for your life?

Food for thought...a quote by Henry Van Dyke.
Time is too slow for those who wait,
too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love, time is eternity.

LIES!!!

Before I begin my diatribe about lying, I had a sudden recall of a university class I took. The professor/psychologist, an unusual character to say the least, told a group of graduate students the relevance and importance of cheating in a classroom.
For students with learning disabilities, cheating should be seen as a remarkable learning tool and coping strategy.

I remember the first time after that lecture, when I faced a student cheating...I had different goggles on and I allowed the perpetrator to continue on his way, thinking that he pulled one over the teacher. I LIED to my student!
Truth be told, it always left me unsettled and yet I taught myself to tolerate it in those circumstances...Graduate WISDOM if you will!?!?

So how does this tie in to my thoughts on lying?

First I need to define lying.
Lying is communication with the intention of creating a false belief.
Lies are typically motivated by a desire to persuade others to act or to refrain from acting in a certain manner.

WOW! What a mouthful to lying...
But what if the person who is said to be lying, believes it to be THE TRUTH?
Conundrum indeed!

Immanuel Kant, a philosopher, once said that lying was always morally wrong. He argued that human beings are born with an "intrinsic worth" which he referred to as human dignity. To be human, said Kant, is to have the rational power of free choice; to be ethical, he continued, is to respect that power in oneself and others.

Well, at 41, I have come to notice that I have walked a pretty straight line thus far in life. I use boundaries to frame my world which dictate my behaviours and actions. I won't say it's the most exciting way to live. I will say that those implemented boundaries have kept me heading in a healthy direction for the most part of my life. My two boys are my most prized accomplishments!

I am not a Saint.
I have lied.
I also experience guilt shortly after lying.
Which I think says a lot about my ethics.

Now some people on this planet spend the better part of their existence lying profusely about everything and anything. I often wonder are they even aware of their constant lies. I am convinced that the liar sees his/her lies as the TRUTH!

Study by psychologist and lying expert Bella DePaulo explains that more than 70 percent of liars tell their lies AGAIN! She also explains that 60 percent of lies are outright DECEPTIONS!
Mind you it does not help our society, when politicians are caught lying on a daily basis and getting away with it! What about the criminals? What about the movie stars? What about Tiger WOODS? Enough said.

On the other hand, Tim C. Mazur, from the Markula Center for Applied Ethics, explains that sometimes a lie, a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive, seems the perfect response.

About 22 years ago, my husband faced a dilemma. He had something to share with me and he knew full well he ran the risk of jeopardising the relationship we had. He consulted his mother, who coached him to tell a lie in order to safe guard the relationship. Needless to say, the plan backfired and my hubby and I broke up at the time for a year before rekindling the relationship at the ripe old age of 19.

Where am I going with this?
Lies are hurtful.
If you lived all alone on an island and lied to yourself, then the deceit hurt you and only you. The minute you involve another soul into the equation, one gains nothing from lying...

And let's not forget about my good old friend KARMA.
Karma has a funny way of biting you in the ass!
At times, all hell breaks loose...

Was it all worth it in the end?
To the one who has an intrinsic moral and ethical code perhaps not...

Nostalgia

Nostalgia is a seductive liar. - George W Ball

How true is that aphorism? When an event marks our minds, we have a tendency to hold on to the positive memories and conveniently release the distasteful ones. As a result, we walk around this planet remembering only the moments that took our breath away, feelings which pulled on our hearts, and memories forever haunting us. Yet we rarely acknowledge the difficulties and pain that occurred in those same events or moments. How convenient? (Church Lady)

A few weeks back, I had an exchange with a friend who was experiencing her own sense of nostalgia, looking back at choices she made and how those same choices affected her current state in life. Very hard to think back to days gone by and remember some of the challenges we faced with a friend, a lover, or a family member. Nostalgia “is a seductive liar”. Perhaps, if we choose to play this game, we should consider keeping journal entries of the good, the bad and the evil to help the ever-forgiving mind to remember the truth.

On a personal level, I seem to be having ongoing nostalgic moments. In some cases, my journals have proven to be quite handy, while in other situations, I find myself looking back with glossy eyes and dreamy states, grappling with “what ifs”…
I came across this piece of music, not so long ago. I was never a fan of Yanni. However, there is an instrument that sits center stage. It’s the duduk, an old Armenian musical instrument. It has a haunting sound which seems to resonate well with that good old sense of nostalgia…
Happy listening to all you, drowning in NOSTALGIA!

Games people play...

....If one were to describe pain...the song below would be it!

I thought that by the time my forties would kick in, life would start making sense, folks around me would stop playing mind games, people's words would have weight, truth and meaning....most importantly, the drama would be kept to a minimum, so as to enjoy the short gift of life we have on this planet. Instead, I find myself encountering folks who seem to think life is all about twisted moments, stolen adventures, this constant game of cat and mouse and searching for that next high....

I have had the pleasures of wild chases in life and the comfort of warmth, safety and dependability...perhaps I am too mature for my own good...but I would choose a drama free zone more often than this perpetual state of dis-ease.

Random thoughts

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
-- Mark Twain

Often times I am told by close friends and family members that I am too bold for my own good. My standard line back to each and every one of them is the following:
I can't deal with regrets, should haves and could haves. When I am faced with any situation in life, I make it a point "to leave no stone unturned"; this way, deep inside my heart, I know I tried my best and went boldly after it. If I succeeded then all the better for all my efforts and if I failed...then so be it. My motto: No regrets.

Interestingly enough, through an outsider's eyes, my actions are seen as a lack of pride or self-concept or belief in my self-worth. Here's the thing, ultimately one day, we all die. Would you prefer lying in that casket with all your pride intact and your stubborn beliefs about your worth nestled in that listless heart of yours or would you rather see your soul smile, knowing it tried, expressed and pursued all your wants and wishes?

Just my two cents...