Is Oral sex, SEX?? Ask your teens and see what they say?

I am at a dinner party at a friend's house.
What happens when you put four women in their forties, around a kitchen table, with great food and a bottle (or two?) of wine?
The answer?
You get free flowing conversations about this, that and the other.

I am here to talk about the "THAT" portion of the conversation. The THAT was namely about how oral sex is rampant in early adolescence.

So what???

Well, it sort of sounds dandy except for the fact that the young boys are getting the blow jobs and the young ladies are more than happy to perform and get nothing in return.

Which brings us to "What are we teaching our kids?"

Back to this delightful kitchen table, we were all mothers. I would go as far as to say, all well educated mothers.
Some of us have children below the age of 10, while others have adolescent off springs.

The conversation became enlightening when I had mentioned that a few years back, my son's elementary school had invited a special guest, a social worker, to talk to would be parents of adolescents.

The guest speaker began her informative session by addressing a Jewish crowd with the following question: "At what age do you think your child begins to have sexual relations?"

In response, the crowd had muttered all sorts of answers from 15 to 18.
The social worker went on to ask: "And where do you think this happens?"

Long story short, she informed this naive parent body (myself included) that the day your son has his Bar Mitzvah, he will most likely have his first blow job in a bathroom stall or worse yet at coat check at his party. The parents roar.
What a rude awakening!

She went on to say how there seems to be a pervasive understanding that oral sex is not SEX.

(Gee I wonder who we need to thank? William was his name I think? White House? Oral oops I meant OVAL office?)

Furthermore, she explained something else of greater concern.

Girls are ONLY performing and guys are NOT reciprocating.

I once had a chat with a well known psychologist in Montreal about this same topic.

His answer was that the sexual culture is changing amongst the young.

Oral intimacy is not sex.

Young women feel that they are "still good" if they don't let the boy get sexually close to them.

The cherry on top of the icing: The girls feel empowered by performing and not allowing boys to reciprocate.

I will let you simmer with that last thought, dear reader...

The social worker went on to say that in high schools, teens were partaking in themed parties.
Back then (light sarcasm here, as my information dates back to four years ago...themes may have changed since). One example was the Rainbow party which meant that the young ladies would arrive with a bright shade of lipstick and the young adolescent was meant to collect shades of all lipsticks on his appendage. The boy with the most rainbow rings was the person who ruled the coop.

Now back again to that round table chat with ladies and WINE.
These mommies were blown away by the "news", were appalled at what conversations were taking place at home between parent and child. My guess, most likely, parents DO NOT have this chat about oral sex with their children. In fact, I would venture to say parents don't chew the fat about sex with their kids. They may highlight or create "NO FLY ZONE" policies and not allow for free flowing chats about sexual intimacy, respecting one's body, deriving pleasure etc...

One vibrant, very open minded and outspoken woman ( and more women should be like her!!!!) around that same kitchen table did say " Where is the power in having some guy's penis in your mouth? The true power is in one's ORGASM!!!!!"
We all burst out laughing.
She is indeed right, on so many levels (physically-pleasure and safety, emotionally-trust and self-concept).



So purpose of this blog, other than initial shock value is the following:

Firstly, at your son's Bar Mitzvah, do like I did. Hire extra male WATCHDOGS to scout the party, the bathrooms, the coat check at regular intervals of time. In my case, our party ran smoothly other than a group of boys amusing themselves with the condom dispenser in that bathroom.
Oy, my son will be mortified, if he gets wind of Mama's most recent entry. lol

Secondly, talk to your children.
Have a no holds bar attitude about difficult topics.
Listen to them, don't judge them when they share something that makes you uneasy.
This will allow them to loosen their filters with you and share openly.
Friends close to This Princess are always surprised at topics my children bring to the table. Better you, the parent, be handling the flow of information, than having some misguided PEER inform your child.

And ultimately, remember that once hormones kick in, sexuality and discovery of one's sexuality are normal and healthy.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this blog entry.
Please share, any which way you prefer.
Dialogue is KEY!